2021 Ford Bronco FIRST EDITION

Description

OK, let me start off bysaying this Bronco is only available for purchase by the manliest of men. Myfriends, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a fiveo’clock shadow, this Bronco would look like Tom Selleck. It’s just that manly. Itwas never intended to be driven to the mall so you can pick up that adorablet-shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you’ve had your eye on for a while.It wasn’t meant to transport you to yoga class, Linens & Thingsor Bed bath & beyond. No my friend, that’s what your 40 MPG ToyotaPrius is for. So, if that’s the kind of vehicle you’re looking for, then justdo us all a favor and stop reading this right now. Really, I mean it; juststop, this JK may scare the smile of your face.
For the rest of you, here is little teaser. This Bronco was engineered bycrocodile hunting, logging, moonshining, turtle catching rednecks in thedeepest trailer parks of the U.S. It was put together to serve the needs of menthat cheat death on a daily basis. They didn’t even considersuperfluous pansy boy amenities, like soft close doors (real men slam doors andthen they open and slam again just to be certain), cooled seats (real men don’tallow anything to cool their toosh), heated steering wheel (real men freezetheir knuckles), or On Star (real men don’t even know what the hell On Staris). No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super actionjunkies need. It has a 315 HP turbocharged engine to outrun the paparazzi. It’sgot special blood/gore resistant leather upholstery. It even has a first-aidkit in the back. What’s in the firsts aid kit? Glad you asked. A pint ofwhiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a tough leather patch to bite downwhen you’re operating on yourself. This Bronco comes with an eight-speedautomatic transmission so you can concentrate on more important obstacles onthe trail.
My price on this bad boy you ask? Well, it’s so low I'membarrassed to say, but I’ll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable Imean, don’t walk up and tell me you’ll give me ,000 and a happysmile. That’s liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick followedup with a three fingered eye-jab and a well-deserved can of whoop-ass.Would it hurt? Let’s just say you won’t be the prettiest guy at theColdplay or New Kids on The Block concert. So, if you wantto stay pretty, then keep it real.
This Bronco hasroom for you and the five hotties; you picked up on the way to the gym to blastyour pecs and hammer your glutes. There’s only 16 miles on thisfour-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me; it will outlive you and theoffspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to yourmachismo.
Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it’s a rugged, no holdsbarred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. Imight be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling withthe ladies. But have not fear, I’ll get back to you, andwhen I do! Well, we’ll talk about a price over a nice glass ofSchmidt while smoking a Cuban as we listen to Johnny Cash. For thoseof you who must ask the boss (AKA “the wife” AKA “the oldlady” AKA “landlord for life” AKA “little lady” AKA “Chief” AKA “sugar lump”you get the idea) if you can purchase this beast; I got one advice for you. Goto the closet and look for her purse. Make sure you look for the one thatshe only uses on special occasions. You know which one itis. Reach in with your hand and go deep, I mean,gooooooo deep till you reach bottom. Probe around,make take some time but you feel two roundnuggets about the size of your fists, grab them tight andpull them out quickly … Those are yourNUTS man…. Place them back where they belong for crying outloud and buy this bad boy. Then drive back and park it in thegarage. Sneak back to the closet and put back the nuggets so the wifedoesn't find out they were ever missing. And if that doesn’t work, itis always better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Because real men don’task for permission!!!
To sweeten the deal a little, I’ll throw in a pair of leatherZ-Cavaricci pants for Mr. Cool. Yeah, you heard me right. “LeatherZ-Cavaricci pants.” You remember styling them back in the days. Youknow who you are. You be cracking a smile as we speak. Hell, you might aswell go to public storage and dust off theold Penny Loafers and sport them bad boys, and don’tforget to put the pennies and “no socks”.
BTW, I’m not throwing inno free Z-Cavaricci pants. Just in case this is a deal breaker foryou.
All kidding aside.
This listing is for a2021 Ford Bronco First Edition. This Bronco was originally scheduled to bebuilt on the week of August 16th it is now one week early with newscheduled built date for the week of August 9th. Ford has been great inproviding updates and details on any delays and such. I will be updating thelisting if anything new comes up between now and end of listing. Once Ireceive the Bronco I will pay cash for the vehicle so I will have tittle onhand. The Bronco will be considered used on the technicality that i will be the1st registered owner.
As most of you know, allFirst Editions come fully loaded, and include the exclusive First Edition badgefor easy identification. This Bronco will come in cyber orange with the LeatherTrimmed Black Onyx Interior. I am not a dealer, so I have no means to help youon the finance. There is a K deposit required 24hrs on auction end to ensureyou have skin in the game, so please only serious bidders, and a bank wire orbank finance is expected to clear before the car is released along with title.The miles on the vehicle will only be the miles associated with the distancebetween the dealer and my home. Estimated vehicle pick up is 4-6 weeks afterthe build week, so estimating a pickup or ship date between September 13th -September 20th. Feel free to PM me for further information or questions.
Once I receive the Bronco I will pay cash so I will have tittle on hand. TheBronco will be considered used on the technicality that i will be the 1stregistered owner.
!!!!!! Disclaimer for all DEADBEATS !!!!!!!
PLEASE READ CAREFULLY
If you think the car is available for shippingtoday and cant wait until it is delivered by the manufacturer. Don't bid
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If you haven't decided on the color you like.Don't bid